webdevThe Sandwich Generation refers to middle-aged people, usually Gen X-ers, who find themselves supporting both their parents and their children. It might be financial support, physical help or emotional guidance, or more commonly, all three.
The Sandwich Generation is a recently coined term for those of us who may have chosen to have children later in life and now are facing caring for very young children, or challenging teenagers, while at the same time looking after elderly parents. It’s estimated that 1.5 million Australians in their 40s and 50s are juggling raising their own children, maintaining a healthy relationship with their partner, continuing a career, while at the same time caring for elderly and/or sick parents. Thanks to medical intervention and innovation, people are living longer, which means The Sandwich Generation is only likely to grow in numbers as years progress.
These multigenerational needs have become increasingly intense during the Covid-19 pandemic, as adult children are moving back home and elderly parents are requiring new forms of care. And, as it is with many things in life requiring care, women tend do most of the heavy lifting. Throw in perimenopause and menopause, and the current social climate surrounding Covid, and that’s a whole lot of stress for women to cope with.
The Sandwich Generation Realised
Journalist Josie Gagliano, 49, is a classic example of a woman in The Sandwich Generation. In fact, she wrote the book on it – The Australian Ageing Generation Handbook. At the age of 36 Josie found herself caring for her mother, who was diagnosed with a life-threatening blood disorder and later, Alzheimer’s. Her twins, one of whom was later diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder were only seven months old.
Josie’s journey in caring for both her mother and her kids lasted around eight years, during which time she began to experience peri-menopausal symptoms.
“It was like a double whammy,” she reveals. “I was already stressed to the hilt, but then along came peri-menopause. With it, came symptoms including irritability, sleeplessness, heightened levels of stress and intensified emotions.
“It was extremely hard to juggle it all. It was mentally taxing, emotionally draining, and I felt I was getting older than my actual age, every single day. I saw no way out, other than to just endure what was happening around me and do it with as much strength and grace as possible.”
The Sandwich Generation Juggle is Real
“A typical day for me was caring for my kids, and looking after my mum, either at my place or hers,” reveals Josie. “There were no school holidays. Well, there were, but we went nowhere – just stayed home caring for Mum. None of the usual things people enjoyed with their kids at those ages.
“Later, my mother-in-law moved into my mother’s home, and the two of them lived together. My mum in law filled in the gaps of care for my mum when I had to go home and be a mother again. It was an even more unusual version of a ‘blended family’.
“When my twins started school at five years old, things really intensified. My typical day escalated to getting the kids ready for school, dropping them off, going straight to Mum’s, getting her up and toileted and then making and supervising her breakfast and medication. I would then set her up next to me for the day, where I would get out my laptop and start working right next to her. I’d then wait for the paid carer to arrive, stay a little longer to put my mum to bed. When the carer would be about to leave, my mother-in-law would arrive, and they would be together until she left for work in the morning.
“I like to say we were running a nursing home in her home, as she had nurse visits, showers by carers, meals made by me or my mother-in-law. All her medication and meals were supervised, which was excellent for her mental health, and comforting for us, though hard work, very confined (no days off!) and oftentimes emotionally draining.
So, what can you do?
If, like Josie, you’re juggling your job, your relationship, caring for kids and parents and you have the symptoms of perimenopause intensifying your stress, there are measures you can take to help calm the symptoms of both stress and the ‘change of life’. Stress, as we know, causes an inflammatory response in the body. So, unsurprisingly, most of these tactics involve reducing the inflammation.
Embrace Anti-Inflammatory Foods
Clinical Nutritionist and founder of the 10:10 program, Faye James suggests embracing the following foods, which have anti-inflammatory effects on the body.
– Iron rich foods like leafy greens. “A study by the University of Utah found that a hormone involved in iron metabolism can save lives from deadly inflammatory diseases.”
– Fibre rich food such as quinoa, legumes and brown rice. “Fibre rich foods help to support good bowel function, gut health and immunity, all of which are impacted by a stress response. They are also linked with maintaining a stable weight, which is imperative for women experiencing perimenopause and menopause. During this time in our lives, our hormones are unstable, and this can easily lead to weight gain, particularly around the torso.”
– Calcium rich foods such as broccoli and spinach. “While we know calcium plays a vital role in bone health, it’s also an invaluable de-stressing mineral. It assists with regulating muscle functioning, such as contraction and relaxation and with the transmission of nervous system messages.”
– Healthy fats such as olive oil, fatty fish and nuts and seeds. “These foods help to regulate the body’s inflammatory process and are thought to help regulate pain related to inflammation.”
– Foods that naturally contain phytoestrogens such as soybeans, chickpeas, peanuts and flax seeds.
Many health benefits have been attributed to phytoestrogens, including lowering the risk of menopausal symptoms such as hot flushes and osteoporosis.”
Ditch Inflammatory Foods
Faye also notes that there are many foods to avoid, which are known to contribute to the inflammatory process, and thereby may trigger menopausal symptoms. “Things you should avoid include spicy food, alcohol, too much caffeine, foods high in salt and processed foods.”
Practice Extreme Self Care
The adage about putting on your own oxygen mask first is essential in this situation. You can’t help anyone else if you’re emotionally, physically and mentally depleted.
It is vitally important to carve out time for yourself with things that make your heart sing. Often, it’s the simple things such as a walk along the beach, time in nature, meaningful time with your partner or close friends, or a lazy hour with your nose in a favourite book.
As often as possible, and especially when it all feels too much, focus on your breath. Deep, diaphragmatic breathing engages the para-sympathetic part of our autonomic nervous system (the part that signals us to rest and digest). This part is vital in its ability to reduce cortisol and stress in our body and will also aid digestion and sleep. Breath is available to us all and is the quickest tool to calm our overactive mind and reduce inflammatory responses in the body. Unfortunately, we too often forget about the how of breathing. Breathing is an automatic function of the body, which means we do it without thinking. This means we can frequently lapse into shallow breathing, which may deprive our essential organs of much-needed oxygen and lead to stress and anxiety. However, when we introduce mindfulness to our breathing, we can embrace beautiful long, deep breaths that flood our body with oxygen and make us truly come alive and focused again.
Meditation, much like breath work above, allows for the quietening of mind and body; enabling us to connect with ourselves at a soul level and re-harmonise with our essence, shutting off the demands and expectations of others and the sandwiching we feel. Mediation doesn’t have to be intimidating. Scour the APP store for programs like CALM, Insight timer or Curable for beautiful relaxation, pain relief or focus on rebooting meditations that you can easily do each day at home.
Sleep – practice good sleep hygiene. This can look like earlier sleep patterns, no screens in the lead-up to bed, no food or liquid intake after 7.30 pm to give your body ample time to digest, a darkened room, thin layers of clean natural fibre bedding, and definitely – no devices in the bedroom!
Remember who you are and what makes you feel happy, comfortable and validated. You are no good as a carer if you are not caring for yourself. We give so much as women, that there absolutely must be time spent on replenishing yourself and what nourishes you.
Make Time To Exercise
While this may sound impossible, even a 10-minute-high intensity workout each day can help manage weight gain associated with menopause. Exercise, as we also know, gets the feel-good hormones flowing, which helps you better manage your stress and the structure of your day.
[H9] Don’t be Afraid to Ask For Help
If possible, reach out to family members who can help lighten your load. Being part of The Sandwich Generation, on top of current world climate and on top of dealing with perimenopause or menopause is a huge deal. Feeling supported is essential.
The Australian government’s My Aged Care website can help you explore additional care for your loved ones, while the Centrelink website has information about any family benefits you might be entitled to. Finally, the NDIS scheme can provide carers for any family members living with a disability.
